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On Sunday, January 31, 1999, a definitive Dr Pepper and Store-brand generic equivalent taste test was held. Hosted by Liz Enthusiasm, guest judges included archenemy partners Sean T. Drinkwater and Rick Webb; roommates Seth Hatfield, Danny Gold, and Delilah Webb (no relation to Rick); Rockets burst from the streetlamps members Annie Smidt and Craig Uram, as well as Craig's girlfriend Heather; former roommate and native Texan Nick Laudadio and his girlfriend Meghan; old friends Anne and Peadar Dooley; man-about-town Mr. Clean; houseguest Adam Bouchard, who left early; and Scott Roberge, who only voted in the design and name categories, and drank Pepsi. Also in attendance, but not participating, were Carla Norton, who drank Surge, and Damon Wellner. Let it be known, we all felt pretty icky and gross after such rigorous testing, but it was all in the name of science, so we were brave about it. Special thanks to Mr. Clean for bringing cheese and crackers, the salty crispness of which helped greatly in offsetting the sweet carbonation bloatiness we were all feeling. He also stepped in to pour when I could no longer move. So, cheers to Clean and without further ado, the results. Sodas were judged according to four criteria: their taste, their similarity to Dr. Pepper, the aesthetic value of the label design, and the cleverness of the soda's name. Winners in each category are highlighted in red. Losers are in blue. Comments and additional photos follow below the chart.

Dr Pepper
This was the first beverage we tried, and we kept going back to it throughout the test, so we could evaluate different products' Pepper similarity. What really struck many of us is that after drinking other sodas and then going back to Dr. Pepper, you could really taste the prune flavor. It's not something you'd notice at first, but after all these other Pepper-esque beverages, that seems to be where the difference lies: the degree of pruney-ness. Other observations: "good nostalgic character," "bubble-gum-esque, full-bodied," "late 90's design BAD," "blue is overwhelming. Not at all appropriate," "tastes differently than I remember from my early days," and "what do you say about such an original masterpiece."

Dr. Fine
We only had one can of this (imported from Maine), so everybody only got a teensy swig. There were numerous complaints about the aftertaste. The flavor was rated "too sweet," "plasticy," "cola," "watery," "yuk," "pure Maine -- inbred & chemical," and "not even close. What is this, Moxie?" Danny Gold thought it smelled good. Opinions about the can varied widely: "nice 'shasta' aesthetic," "cool bubbles on can. Font very '87 Topps baseball," "ugly bubbles, but I appreciate the attempt," "pretty," and "cheesy font."

Dr. Joe's
The main complaint about this one seemed to be its medicinal flavor. Several people had gripes with its wateriness, and its excessive carbonation: "gives me gas!" and "hurts my 'tummy'." Other comments less classifiable: "gators? mustard?" "dr. SHIT," and "flaccid and phlegmatic -- typical of CA hippie bullshit." The all-natural formula was found to be "comforting" by some, while Rick found it "not artificial enough." He also took exception to the one-color packaging. The rest of the opinions on the can design were divided: while it was indeed creative compared to the others, the use of a really ugly hippy-dippy typeface disturbed many. Although we readily agree that it could have been worse -- they used an ugly hand-drawn font where a less original designer would have just used Remedy to achieve the same funky look, and that would have enraged the graphically-inclined among our tasting group (quite a lot of us, really). Seth admired the "cool bearded fellow" in the letter "O" of "Joe's," presumably Dr. Joe himself.

Dr. Perfect
Most people seemed to think this one was pretty decent. Several people found it rather syrupy and flat. I kind of enjoyed the flatness after Dr. Joe's. This beverage also seemed to hurt a few people: "Sort of like huffing glue," "feels like pepper in my nose," "it hurts," "hurts your nose." The ballsyness of the name was admired by some. The scores for the label ranged from 1 through 9, and inspired a heated debate.

Dr. Rocket
"Zippy," "perky," "peppery," "pungent," "quite good but a little soapy tasting," "oooh yeah!" Let me just say that when you get a can out of the vending machine on a hot day, it's one of the greatest things. It was found to be pretty similar to Dr. Pepper, especially fountain Dr. Pepper. Heather and Seth both remarked positively on the K-Mart packaging aesthetic.

Dr. Shaw's
I think this one's a little misleading. Just because it placed last overall, you really should give it a chance, because it actually scored quite favorably in the taste category, it's just that it doesn't taste very much like Dr. Pepper at all, has a very uninspired label design and a dumb-ass name. Anyway, everyone liked its cherry-flavored goodness, except for Anne, who says "NASTY. watery. I could barely taste it because the flavor didn't cling to my tongue." The packaging is pretty much a rehash of Dr. Pepper's, with no original elements of its own. Except for the Shaw's logo, that is. Seth says "Shaw's has always been one of my favorite fonts, but they got rid of the 24 hr. party people, it's not as fun now." I have no idea what he means by that.

Dr. Skipper
Comments on this one ranged from "really really good" all the way down to "tastes like BLOOD." I for one, really liked the cute label, a Dr. Pepper-esque font over a nice swirly background.

Dr. Sparkle
Ever the feisty one, Seth gave this one zeroes across the board. "No caffeine? No points. FUCK PRICE CHOPPER." While not everybody was as extreme in this regard, the lack of caffeine did trouble a great many of our panelists. The flavor was found to be fruity and milder than many of the other sodas. Anne likes "the absence of Bazooka Bubble Gum aftertaste." The packaging, with its fairly naturalistic representation of ice cubes drew some opinionated responses: "gory," "complicated," "nice," "weirdest."

Dr. Thunder
Although this didn't win any individual category, its general excellence garnered it the best overall score. Annie was especially convinced of its similarity to Dr. Pepper, giving it a 9.87. The bold use of a serif font on the label was admired, although Anne thought the missing period after "Dr" was "disturbing." On unrelated notes, Nick remarked that he was "getting dizzy," and Sean that I'm "really cute in maroon."

Dr. Tops
It was found to be really sweet. Nick says "sugar is all wrong -- not offensive, but disconcerting -- help." The 80's look of the packaging (a rounded typeface on a grid background) was deemed to be either good or bad, depending on the individual's aesthetics.

Dr. W
This "mysterious sleeper underdog last minute entry" scored quite highly, which is a shame for us Boston-type folks, since Nick brought this from Buffalo. Turns out, although fiercely loyal to Dr. Pepper (remember, he's Texan), he was quite pleasantly surprised: "damn close -- I'd say the best thus far. The fruit, sugar, and carb mix are quite accurate." At this point, the comments start thinning out because we were starting to feel pretty ill, but there was definitely a widespread appreciation for this soda and its bold, modern, almost sensual label.

Dr. Zeppa
If not for the saving grace of the really good name, this one probably would have ended up at the bottom of the heap. This soda was the only one that came close to the pruney-ness of Dr. Pepper. But I seem to be the only one who thought so. There really was no consensus on this one; Meghan thought it smelled "like childhood," others found it "perky," "chemical," "cherry," "candy," "flowery," "way too sweet." The only thing we agreed on was that the label was really damn ugly, except for Seth, who appreciated the gradation in the background, I guess. But anyway, it is from Store 24, and as Heather pointed out, it's a great price, so it's not like I won't buy it anymore.

Mr. Pibb
The Maine-ers among us were reminiscing about the days when you could buy a 20 oz. bottle for 39 cents. Why didn't they have any offers like that around here? Why isn't it available around here? I really like Mr Pibb! I detected a hint of vanilla which just did it for me. Seth lapsed into semi-incomprehensibility: "JESUS. While he has no degree, he has my heart. Tufnels all around. Even better than the real thing." As for Nick, "always hated it. Still do." What is up with that packaging? It's so ugly!! They're trying to hard to be hip and extreme and funky and it's so confusing and terrible. Although Annie likes the "deranged person," who may or may not be a representation of Mr. Pibb.

Well, that does it for now. I've got a fridge full of half-empty bottles of soda. This particular sampling covered the greater Boston area pretty thoroughly, as well as a few specimens from Maine, Buffalo, and Washington, D.C. So, as my friends and I travel to other areas, my collection will eventually be rebuilt, and hopefully one day, I'll have enough kinds to hold another party. Until then, feel free to send your local store brands to:

Miss Liz Enthusiasm
PO Box 802
Allston, MA 02134

Update! 4/21 -- I'm pleased to announce that my collection has once again begun to grow. On a business trip to Saratoga Springs, N.Y., Sean and I located: Dr. Rush, Dr. Radical, a different, dollar-store version of Dr. Perfect, and most exciting of all: Dr. Rific!!!! I'm quite eager to try them.

Update! 6/18 -- Wow! It turns out that I'm not alone in my obsession: I got an e-mail from this guy Dave Schul, who has his own VERY thorough pepper clone site: http://falcon.cc.ukans.edu/~dschul/drp/dr.html His collection is quite awe-inspiring, and he's got links to yet even more pepper clone sites! Who knew??